Episode 32: Sima Cunningham & Jessy Schwartz

Sima Cunningham: Getting from point A to point B in Los Angeles can be quite the hellscape and put you into a dark state of mind. We were walking, my feet hurt so much, and I had this like total like guttural. I just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk somewhere outside of LAX and just screamed.

Josh Caldwell: Hey atypical daydreamers, welcome to the show. I spent two decades living in Los Angeles, and my heart goes out to all that are affected by the recent fires. It's truly a city I love, but can also be a real pain in the ass. My first story comes from Sima Cunningham from the band Finom. Today, she shares a humbling LA story that would surely bring anyone to their knees.

Sima Cunningham: Barbara served us very well. We called her Carbra Walters. She was a big white F-350 Ford Econoline van. We just finally said goodbye to last year. We sold it to some Chicago Bears tailgaters. But we were doing this big drive, and many touring bands will be familiar with the I-10 corridor from Texas trying to get to Los Angeles and going through the southwestern United States. So we had just played two shows in Texas. It was extremely hot down there. We played the sweatiest show of our life. And our other friends were also driving. They were returning gear for a band they'd been tour managing. They had to get it back to Los Angeles. So we had buddies on the road on I-10.

We had stayed the night in Las Cruces, New Mexico, and we got breakfast that morning at a little taqueria. And then when we started getting on the highway, our van, the engine lights all came on and it just died. And we sort of rolled the van into this mechanic shop that happened to be off the side of the road. They were like, your transmission is shot. So we had a very panicked moment. We had tons of stuff in the van. We've always kind of been a power trio so we had a lot of space. We had all of our camping gear. I think we had a little foldable bicycle in the back because we were like, let's elevate our quality of life on the road.

So we called our friends who were 45 minutes ahead of us on I-10. And we said, guys, we're so screwed. Is there any way that you can double back and come get us? And they were like, yeah. So this is a big shout out to Charles Glanders and Malcolm Brown from Whitney, but they've also played and toured a bunch of other things. They turned around on the highway and they came back and scooped us. And they luckily had this huge empty fifteen passenger van and a trailer because they were returning another band's gear. So they loaded up every single thing of ours, because we didn't know. The van was at like two hundred and fifty thousand miles or something. Is this the end of its life? Is this the beginning of a new life? We canceled our show in Phoenix because they had to get to LA. So that was hour one of our sixteen hour journey to Los Angeles.

Sima Cunningham: Getting from point A to point B in Los Angeles can be quite the hellscape and put you into a dark state of mind. So they drop us off, we crash. The next morning we're like, okay, we need to rent a minivan so that we can finish this tour, but we also need to get all of the gear back to those guys who were returning it.

So it just turned into this crazy time crunch because we woke up in the morning, we didn't eat anything. We thought it was gonna be like, we'll just run down to LAX and go get our minivan and it'll be fine. And then we'll take care of all of the rest of our business for the day before our sound check. So I woke up me, Macy, and Matt, our drummer, and I was like, let's just all go to LAX right now. We're gonna take an Uber down there. And for some reason I was wearing some kind of high heel. It wasn't stilettos, but I was wearing a very high-heeled boot.

So we get down to LAX and it turns out we need to go to a different car rental company. This was in an era where we were all very broke, and the idea of spending another thirty dollars on an Uber to get from one car rental company in LAX to another was just, in my fried tour brain, something I couldn't do. So I was like, all right, we're gonna walk, which is like an LA mile and a half. Really far. And you're in LAX territory, you don't wanna be walking around there. And none of us had eaten. By now it's like one or two PM and I'm looking at traffic. It's two hours back to where we were staying in most Fells and then another fifty minutes to get to the venue. So we are like really screwed in this situation.

Anyway, so we're walking and I'm kind of panicking and we're trying to figure out how we're gonna get this minivan. We were walking, my feet hurt so much, and I had this total guttural moment. I just

Sima Cunningham: Stopped in the middle of the sidewalk somewhere outside of LAX and just screamed.

So we get the minivan eventually. It's so expensive. And we drive the two-hour drive back to where we were staying. We were so hungry. So I ran into the kitchen while the other two were getting our gear together. And I chopped up this pepper and we had these chicken sausages or something. We were staying in my friend's apartment, she wasn't there. And so I sauteed up these sausages and peppers really quick just to try and get some fuel in us. And I cooked it and then I put it in this bowl on the counter. And I was about to serve it, but I was like, I want to put some seasoning on it. And her cabinet doors are level with her countertop. So when I opened up the door to get the seasoning, the bowl of the food that I had just made literally flew all the way across the room and smashed across the wall on the other side. Because you're just jittery and doing everything fast and reckless.

So Macy and Matt heard the smash of the plate from the other room. And then just silence. I was like, my brain was fried in that moment. So they came into the kitchen and the food is on the floor with the broken plate. And I kid you not, we all just crouched down and silently ate the food off the floor. We didn't say a word. We just sat there quietly eating our sausage off of the floor. And then we stopped when Macy bit into a piece of ceramic and we said, okay, we gotta get to the gig.

Josh Caldwell: Hey, it's Josh. Hope you're enjoying the podcast. And if so, are you wanting more road stories? Well, good news. I've got you covered. Consider becoming a patron. You'll have access to loads of great bonus stories that there just wasn't time for. And you'll be supporting a truly independent podcast. Find the link in the show notes and thanks. Now back to the show.

My next guest is Jessy Schwartz. As an actor in LA, a lot of your days are spent driving from one audition to another. It's a grind, but as Jessy shows us, sometimes Los Angeles adds a little extra serving of irritation to an already rough ride.

Jessy Schwartz: When I lived in LA, people hit cars constantly and then they drive away. So there's lots of hit and runs. And I saw someone hit my car and that really bummed me out because I loved that car. It was a yellow Lebaron. It was great. And I'm driving down the street and it has like a pretty big dimple, and maybe a little rust. I'm driving to an audition in Hollywood.

And I see some guy next to me and he goes, roll down your window. And I was like, no, I'm okay. He's like, roll down your window. Like, okay, sure, whatever. And I roll down the window. I'm like, what's up? He's like, I can fix your car. And I was like, no, it's okay. And he's like, no, I can fix it. And I was like, okay, why don't you just give me your card. We're driving, I'm like, why don't you just give me your card. He's like, let's pull over. And I was like, I'm turning, I have to go. So I just turned and I parked my car and he followed me. And I'm like, okay dude, I have to go. I have an audition. I'm gonna be late. And he's like, I can fix your car while you're in your audition. And I go, but like, my car is such a weird yellow color. You can't really match it. And he's like, no, no, no, I'm a professional. I'm like, how about I just get your card? Let me just get your card. He's like, no, no, no. Let me just do this.

And all I'm thinking is, this is a good story. So I say, okay, yeah. How much would you charge me? And he said, a hundred and fifty bucks. And I'm like, sure, let's do this. So I go in and the casting director yelled at me. The note was, you were supposed to be sarcastic. Not boring. And I was like, oh my god. And then she made me wait for some reason. I'm waiting. And Kae Makuchi, a friend, was like, did she yell at you too? And she's like, yeah. I'm like, I don't even understand this. Why am I here? She hates her job. What are we doing here? Why do I have to wait longer? So finally I get to leave.

Jessy Schwartz: I walk outside and I see what looks like he shocked my car like four times. There are like four holes in the side and it's gray. I don't know if he put like putty on it or what, but I was like, what the fuck is this? And he's like, yeah, it's fine. It'll be fine. And I'm like, okay. And then he's like, just go back inside, it'll be like ten minutes. And I'm just like, okay, fine. So I come back out again. I don't know why I went back in there. Maybe I needed more abuse. And this time he's picking up a spray paint can. It's green. And I go, is that like, is that primer? And he goes, no, this is it. And I go, no, that's not the same color. And he sprayed my car green. So I have like a giant green patch.

And I go, that's not yellow. And he's like, no, it's good. And I go, okay, I can't pay you, dude. I can't do this. And he's like, what? And I go, you said fix my car. If you said change my car, maybe I could pay you, but you said fix and this is not fixed. I want my car back. I want that dent back. And he goes, what the fuck's your problem? Why can't you just pay me for the supplies? And I go, how much is that? And he goes, a hundred dollars. I go, no it's not. Give me the receipts. And he goes, how about fifty dollars? And I go, fine, fifty dollars. And I had a checkbook. And so I was starting to write out the check and all of a sudden I was like, you know what? Really can't do it. I can't. This is gonna break me. I can't do it. I need money. So no. And he goes, that's fine. You look like a crackhead anyway. And I was like, wow, thank you so much. And he's like, you're so skinny. Go do all that heroin that you do. And I was like, thank you so much, you asshole. And just left.

Josh Caldwell: I want to thank Sima and Jessy for sharing their experiences. Be sure to check out Sima's band, Finom, and their most recent LP, Not God. It's actually one of my new favorite albums. Also, they have some upcoming tour dates in Denmark, Germany, and Finland. So check out their site for more details. This podcast is created and produced by me, Josh Caldwell. Music by Visual Aid, my side music project. General support and copywriting by Miranda Caldwell. And if you know someone who you think might enjoy this show, send them this episode. The support really helps. Thank you for listening, and I hope you come back next time.