Episode 13: Joey Siara

Joey Siara: And I remember going into the porta potty and again, I had the feeling that like I'd gotten to the other side of this and everything was good. And then once I'm in the porta potty and I did my business, I couldn't find my way out of it.

Josh Caldwell: Welcome to Atypical Daydream, a podcast about life on the road. I'm Josh, your host, and thanks for stopping by. My guest today is Joey Siara. He's a singer, songwriter, and band leader. You'll know him from the Henry Clay People and his current band, Near Beer. Joey's stories reveal the strained but loving family dynamic that binds bands together for life.

Joey Siara: I think I have to give a little bit of context about this one, just about where we were at on the tour. You cease to be who you were after three weeks on the road. And this one, we were probably like week five and a half or so. Somewhere between Denver and Kansas City in this vast nowhere land of either East Colorado or West Kansas, somewhere in between there.

Also context-wise, you need to know that our band was not getting along very well at this point. It is that part of the tour where everybody has their van pod. I would always sit in the very far back with my pillow and headphones. Whoever was driving would get to listen to their music. At that point we all were just like, John's playing XTC again, or Andy's gonna play a Killers album, and everybody puts their headphones on and checks out.

The people you need to know in this band besides me: John. John was the oldest one in the band, bass player, the really greatest guy you ever meet, except when he's on tour, where the dude is a fucking grump. And I love him dearly. He's a brother. He was also known to take like 30 minute shits. Anytime John needed to go to the bathroom, it was like an eye rolling ordeal because we were like, great, we're going to miss our set or we're going to be late for soundcheck. John was always our grumpy older brother because he was older, had more music references, and had done this for a while. He was still taking orders from two kids that were ten years his junior. I think for him, going to the bathroom for half an hour was not like he was actually pooping for half an hour. I think it was just like, I'm going to the bathroom for a half hour because I need to get the fuck away from you people and I need my Zen space. So if you text me or knock on the door, I'm just gonna ignore you because I need my alone time.

Joey Siara: Jordan, our keyboard player, is a very sweet, innocent man. A bit nerdy and probably wouldn't fare well in a street fight. Our friend Ryan was tour managing for us, and he is also kind of a timid wimp of a guy. I'm a timid wimp of a guy. My brother's a timid wimp of a guy. Jordan's a timid wimp of a guy. John is the long pooper. Nobody in our band is particularly tough. We're a very not tough rock and roll band.

We stopped to fill up the gas at one of those truck stop gas stations with showers and all that stuff. Me and Jordan were the first ones to go and we pee in the bathroom. I pee first and I'm walking out and as I'm walking out there's this giant dude who walks in and just gave me a look and a vibe that made me feel like I needed to get out of there.

Joey Siara: So I go back out to the van. Jordan comes out a few minutes later and says, dude, did you see that guy who went in right after you? And I was like, yeah, that guy had a vibe that made me feel uneasy. He's like, yeah, dude, I was peeing and then I felt somebody right behind me and I turned around and this guy was windmilling his dick. Pants were down, just full circles with his dick, like showing off a trick he could do. I didn't even wash my hands and I just came out to the van.

And as that was happening, John, our bass player, who again has a history of taking 30 minute shits, goes into that bathroom and now is sitting in there with somebody who is doing dick acrobatics.

Joey Siara: We were all clustered in the van texting John, and he's not responding at all. We knew he had his phone with him. We were like, should we go in? What are we going to do? That guy was like 6'7". We're not going to go in. That guy would crush our skulls. What if he has a gun? He was also confirmed to be a trucker who had another big buddy in the truck with him. We confirmed this because five minutes later the guy comes out, takes off his shirt, puts on a fresh shirt, and goes back in. And John, our bass player, still had not come out.

So everybody in the band is panicking. Did he beat him up? Is he changing his clothes because there's blood on them? What the fuck is going on? And again, to emphasize, our band was not getting along at the time. But we all agreed at this moment, you know what, I think we gotta go in there. If John's in trouble, if John's getting beat up or worse, we gotta do something. So we all dug through the van. I found a broken drumstick. Somebody else found a little screwdriver. The most stupid looking posse of four dudes going in trying to puff ourselves up into that bathroom. And we go in there and John is just exiting the stall like nothing ever happened. The guy's gone and that's kind of it.

But the moral of the story is that a band that hated each other, that had grown really sick of each other, made us realize that despite being sick of these people, I would still get the shit kicked out of me for these guys. For John specifically. And it did make us bond at a part of the tour where I feel like we had kind of lost that sense of, no, we're a band of buddies and friends who would do anything together. And yeah, I didn't want John killed.

Josh Caldwell: Hey, Josh here. I love making this podcast and I'd love to make it my full-time gig. Besides telling the stories, I'm basically a one-man band and that takes time. If you're enjoying the podcast, please consider becoming a patron. You'll have access to loads of great bonus stories and you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you're supporting a truly independent podcast. Find the Patreon link in the show notes. And thanks.

Joey Siara: This next one is an ate a bad drug cookie story. Japan Droids had dropped out of the Sasquatch Festival because of some health issues and I think we were kind of like the soft version of Japan Droids. So we got last minute called up to play Sasquatch. We go and play the festival and everybody's camping. We have tents and it's the whole Pacific Northwest vibe. Our crusty campground neighbor was like, we have cookies here, have some cookies, guys. Oh, actually, don't eat those before you play, just warning you. And so we're like, I get it, I get it. We won't eat these before we play.

We play our set. And then night rolls around and we're like, where'd those cookies go? So one by one, everybody in the band inhales a cookie, except for John Price, our grumpy bass player who, at age 35, was the elder statesman and knew not to eat the cookie for whatever reason.

After we ate the cookie, everybody kind of split up and did their own thing except for me and my brother. We went and we saw Of Montreal. They were on stage with people in pig masks doing all kinds of psychedelic stuff. And I just started to get a little bit like, oh, I don't know. I don't know if I like this. And then there was a strobe light and the singer smashed a guitar. And I just started to feel like this is violence and I don't like violence.

Joey Siara: I asked my brother if we could go for a walk. I just needed to get away from this. There was one convenience store for this whole music festival and there was just a 100 yard line to get into it. All I wanted was water and something to eat because I thought maybe that could help. So we wait in this line probably about an hour to get into the convenience store. But right as we get to the door, I start to freak out. I can't go in there. I just can't go in there. I don't know, the lights or something.

Somebody had an extra bit of a granola bar and they saw that I was freaking out and they were like, here, have some granola. And so I ate this granola bar but I just inhaled it so fast. I had no spit in me and it was just spitting powder. I was like a crazy person just standing at the front of this convenience store, refusing to go in. And my brother said, you know what, I'm going to go in, I'm going to get you a hot dog or something substantial, and then we'll go back to the campsite. So I'm just sitting there breathing granola bits as my brother goes in and gets a couple of hot dogs and puts them in a microwave.

Joey Siara: I guess somebody came up to him and they were like, dude, I don't know if you know this, but you haven't moved in like 10 minutes and the hot dogs, you never hit start on the microwave. And then my brother was like, oh, okay. And then he just walks out of the store. He doesn't get the hot dog, doesn't get anything. So now we're both not in good shape walking back. It took us a while to find where we camped. We ended up watching the Red Hot Chili Peppers for a second and I'm just like, I don't know man, we need to get back. So we get back to the van, finally find the van, and we're lying in the tent and I just proceeded to feel like I was falling into the ground. And I told my brother, go get John.

Because John, our responsible bass player, was in the other tent. So Andy goes to the other tent. I think Andy seeing me freak out started to really freak him out. By the time he gets to John he's like, hey, just so you know, Joey's really freaking out. I think we need to figure out if there was anything else in those cookies. He's paranoid and he wants to call an ambulance. And I can hear him because he's like ten feet away from me. And I hear him go, actually, you know what, to be honest, I'm freaking out too. So can you talk me down, John?

And I'm frozen hearing him say all this. And then I hear John just being the annoyed parent, like, you idiot. Yeah, you're going to be fine. This is totally fine. And then Andy was like, John, can you hold my hand? And so John is holding Andy's hand. Andy's outside the tent and they're holding hands right above Mike. It was like Mike was just trying to take a nap between them. And Mike also had had a cookie. Mike's like, you guys, I've done every drug in the book and I wasn't freaking out. But now seeing you freak out is really freaking me out. And you guys holding hands right above me, I don't know man. This is weird. And then Andy said, yeah, this is weird. I think I'm going to be sick.

Joey Siara: And John is like, dude, if you're gonna puke, don't puke right here, go away. And so my brother, who is sitting right where the tent opens, just does a 180, but he's still in the exact same spot, and just pukes right there. And John starts yelling at him, what the fuck are you doing, man? And my brother's like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing.

I remember at some point John did come to my tent to check on me. He said that I was just curled up in a corner looking at him like, dear God. He knew there was nothing to do and he found the woman who made the cookies and asked if there was anything else in them. She said no, there was just a ton of weed. At some point I wake up at like 3:30 in the morning feeling like I got to the other side of it. I'm not super high right now. And I go outside and Jordan, our keyboard player, is standing in the middle of a field staring up at the sky. I'm like, Jordy, what are you doing? He's like, I don't know, man. And I was like, no, I think I'm still a little high because Jordan is still really high. He's like, yeah, that cookie is really messing me up.

So I told him to go talk to someone and then I go to the porta potty. Because it is a music festival. And I remember going into the porta potty and I had the feeling that I'd gotten to the other side of this and everything was good. And then once I'm in the porta potty and I did my business, I couldn't find my way out of it. And I started hearing a marching band. I was hallucinating a marching band playing. It's dark and I was feeling my way with my hands around a porta potty after night two of a music festival, which is not a good place to be. And I was like, this is fucking terrible. And I eventually got out and felt high for like two days pretty straight. It was not fun.

Joey Siara: Every person in our band had a terrible experience with the weed. John had a terrible experience being the one guy who didn't eat the cookie because he had to take care of all of us.

Josh Caldwell: I want to thank Joey for sharing his experiences. Make sure to check out Joey's band, Near Beer. You can find them on Instagram at NearBeerLA or online at NearBeerLA.com. This podcast was created and produced by me, Josh Caldwell. Music by Visual Aid, my side music project. General support and copywriting by Miranda Caldwell. If you like the show, please follow, subscribe, rate, and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And if you'd like to financially support the show, check out my Patreon page. You'll have access to loads of great bonus stories. You can find the link in the show notes. Thank you for listening, and I hope you come back next week.